hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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