Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
