Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
