The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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