Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
