Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
