Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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