Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
