Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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