there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
