my phone needs a breathalizer
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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