So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
