I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
