And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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