I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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