I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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