Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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