i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
