Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
