im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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