All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
