The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
