Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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