i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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