If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
