What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
