I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
