I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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