i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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