just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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