Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
