i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
