Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
