My sheets look like a crime scene.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
