is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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