Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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