My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
