She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
