I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
FUCK WHALES
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
