I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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