My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sobbing to NWA
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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