so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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