My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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