Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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