why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
