Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
