I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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