I am spending my child support on dildos
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
