You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
