Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
