i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
