In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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