I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
