Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
