so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
