I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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