The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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