The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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