And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
