Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
