Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
