Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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