I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
