Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize