I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I could make wine with my vomit
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
