I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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