I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
