Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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