is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
