Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
