i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
