You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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