the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
