If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
