am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Of course I have a pirate flag
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The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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