You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
