How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
