So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
