Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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