Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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