He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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