Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
