Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
