I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
