it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
