If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
