babies were throwing up all over the place
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
