Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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