They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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