either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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